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by Peter_Prker



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: But different, i wrote this like two weeks ago and i was like why not, it's the car scene, some of that angst, some of that huh??/, some of that sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 01:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17694899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peter_Prker/pseuds/Peter_Prker
Summary: Ellie wakes, rocking, to the sound of a humming engine and a mumbled song coming from creaky speakers.She blinks herself awake, head pounding and eyes heavy and finds herself staring at a stained square of fabric, suspended by two panes of glass. She groans.Where is she?~or that car scene but in ellie's pov





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**Author's Note:**

> i love these characters and i love this scene! enjoy!

Ellie wakes, rocking, to the sound of a humming engine and a mumbled song coming from creaky speakers. 

 

She blinks herself awake, head pounding and eyes heavy and finds herself staring at a stained square of fabric, suspended by two panes of glass. She groans. 

 

_ Where is she? _

 

The last thing she remembers she was swimming- no, she never learned how to swim- drowning, then, in churning water. It was dark and cold and she was afraid. Was she alone?

 

‘Take it easy, kiddo,’ Joel says and she almost jumps out of her skin, her heartbeat quickening for the width of a second and then evening out again just as fast. The box she’s in jolts and creaks.  _ A car _ , she’s in a car. ‘The drugs are still wearing off.’ 

 

A cold draft blows through cracked windows and it’s only then that she realizes the strange clothes she’s wearing- an ugly checkered blue and white gown, too thin for the bouts of rain as of late, and nothing else. Her toes curl on the cushioned seat. ‘What the hell am I wearing?’ She asks, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, and then: ‘What happened?’

 

Joel is silent and she can almost feel the weight of what he’s going to say. She can almost feel the guilt of it. But why would he feel guilty? 

 

‘We found the fireflies,’ He finally says, eyes trained on the abandoned road ahead. His hands tighten on the steering wheel and she can hear the rasp of old leather against his calloused skin. ‘Turns out there’s a whole lot more like you, Ellie,’

 

Her heart almost stops beating at the words. 

 

‘People that are immune, it’s dozens actually. Ain’t done a damn bit of good neither.’ 

 

She wants to scream. She wants to scream and kick and rage and disappear into thin air because after everything they’ve been through, after everything  _ she’s done _ -

 

Images riddled with guilt flash through her mind. The things she’s seen, the people she’s killed. 

 

She’d thought after last winter, after what she’d done to survive and save Joel from the hunters that the universe would offer her some kind break. That it would make this  _ easy _ for her. But nothing here is ever easy and this world is as merciless as they come. She’s just finally starting to realize it. 

 

‘They’ve actually st-’ He hesitates, almost steeling himself for the words to come. ‘They’ve stopped looking for a cure.’ He glances at her in the rearview mirror, brows furrowed, almost sad. She closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath. ‘I’m taking us home.’ 

 

_ Home _ , the concept is almost funny to her, almost too foreign to imagine. They’ve been on the road for over a year, they’ve been on this mission together for over a  _ year _ , she even longer and all for what? 

 

Her heart sinks to her stomach as the people they’ve lost flash before her eyes.  _ Riley and Tess and Sam and Henry and all for what? _

 

She turns in the seat, her back to Joel, her back to this  _ home _ . 

 

She thinks of Riley most of all, of the tiny bite on her hand that destroyed her. Of the matching bite on Ellie’s arm. Of the moment Riley started to lose her mind and Ellie stayed the same. She did it all for her and all for nothing. 

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Joel says and she knows he means it, but there’s something just not right. Marlene would’ve mentioned the others, she would’ve mentioned the trials, she would’ve mentioned  _ something _ . She wouldn’t have put Ellie at risk if she’d known-

 

And now Marlene might be dead and Ellie doesn’t know where to begin to pick up the shambles of her life. 

 

‘I know you wanted-’ Joel starts again. ‘I know what this meant to you.’ 

 

She almost laughs at the absurdity of the phrase, at the inclination that all of it was just some futile task to cross from a bucket list. 

 

No, it was a cure for more than twenty years of loss and sorrow and a part of her wants to force him to turn the car around just to make sure they did  _ everything they could _ but this is Joel. The Joel who lost everything, the Joel who saved her life, the Joel who risked his own more times than she can count to get them here. Surely if there had been any way to create a vaccine he would’ve taken it. 

 

There’s almost no doubt in her mind. Almost. 

 

Almost because she knows that Joel isn’t a hero, he’s only a man. A wounded, broken, nearly  _ destroyed _ man who lost everything he cared about and lived with the guilt of survival for years. A man who found solace in her, who found a piece of his daughter in her and she’s almost sure. But she knows Joel, and she knows if there was any way to create a vaccine but it would put  _ her  _ at risk… He wouldn’t take it. 

 

She knows that Marlene would.  

 

‘Try to get some sleep,’ He says. ‘We’ll be there soon.’ 

 

She swallows hard, her mouth dry and scratchy. ‘We going to Tommy’s?’ She asks.

 

Joel’s head cocks at the mention of his brother and he scratches his beard before answering, ‘Yeah, let’s hope he’s still got space for us.’ 

 

She knows it’s a joke, that Tommy would let them stay come hell or high water so she snorts, just for his sake. Joel smiles. 

 

‘Go to sleep, kiddo.’

 

And despite the growing uneasiness in her gut she feels her eyes begin to droop. ‘I could drive, y’know,’ She says around a yawn. 

 

‘There ain’t no way in hell I’m letting you drive this thing again,’ Joel laughs and she thinks back to when they’d first gotten a car at Bill’s, when she’d almost crashed it trying to get away from that herd of Clickers.

 

‘Whatever,’ She snorts. ‘Still a better driver than you.’ 

 

‘ _ Goodnight _ ,’ He says.

 

She lets her eyes fall shut again, swallowing back a comment about it still being day and letting sleep wash over her like a wave. She barely catches Joel whisper a soft  _ I’m sorry _ before she leaves consciousness, but it doesn’t stop her heart from seizing. It doesn’t stop her from wondering why. 


End file.
